Saying sorry won't do a damn thing

There are times when I'm in one room. Through the walls I can hear someone talking in the next room, or a room close by. Having fun with it, I try to hear who is talking. Y'know, people have different voices and can be told apart just from hearing them, right. So I'll listen carefully and try to find out for myself who it is. Most of the time, I make up my mind quickly about who it is. But later when I walk out, that person is not there, and was not there earlier.

While listening to music, I suddenly think that my phone is ringing, or I'm getting a message. But I'm not. Sometimes I'm just sitting quietly somewhere and I hear my phone ringing, but it isn't. 

On a daily basis do I talk to myself. I will make weird noises. Tell myself what I'm going to do next. What will I eat for breakfast. Where do I need to go, what do I need to do. I often say things like this out loud to myself. Even if I'm troubled by something, someone, I will reason loudly with myself and have debates. I talk to myself everyday.

Inside of my head are many voices that tell me this and that. It's called having a conscience, it's being normal.

I feel sad, lonely, lost, unhappy each and every day. 
I'll wake up hating myself and the world and whatever is in it.

Sometimes my eyes don't see the things that are right in front of me. Other times they even see things that aren't even there, or might not exist.

I am fucked up on so many levels it can't even be explained. I'm a bit OCD sometimes too, with so many things. My attention span is shit. I rarely listen to what people say. It does not however mean I'm autistic, have ADHD/ADD, and it certainly does not make me crazy.

If you keep thinking that you are insane or crazy. If you want to be that, then you'll surely become that too. But if are able to look past that and labelling yourself into something that you are not. Then you too will realize that you are just as fucking normal as everyone else is. I know you're not crazy, we all know you aren't, it's just your shit-faced mother who needs you to be crazy so that she won't have to fucking face up to the fact that she fucking ruined you, broke you and destroyed you. You're not crazy, you just had a fucked up childhood. We all do, but yours was worse. However as bad as it was, you're not crazy because of it. You're just broken and damaged and needs help. This insanity your mother wants to label you with is something that would have run in the family, and it doesn't. So you are not fucking crazy. You just need help.

Plus, had those "symptoms" meant you are insane and out of your mind, then I would be so too. And I think the whole world would be so too.


Mood: Annoyed
Music: Sometimes "sorry" is the wrong thing to say - Ryan Calhoun