Open up your eyes - Daughtry

A single rose left to remember
As a single tear falls from her eye
Another cold day in December
A year from the day she said goodbye

Seems it's only been a moment
Since the angels took him from her arms
And she was left there holding on to their tomorrow
But as they laid him in the ground
Her heart would sing without a sound

For the first time you can open your eyes
And see the world without your sorrow
Where no one knows the pain you left behind
And all the peace you could never find
Is waiting there to hold and keep you
Welcome to the first day of your life
Just open up your eyes, eyes

A single lifetime lays behind her
As she draws her final breath
Just beyond the door he'll find her
Taking her hand he softly says

For the first time you can open your eyes
And see the world without your sorrow
Where no one knows the pain you left behind
And all the peace you could never find
Is waiting there to hold and keep you
Welcome to the first day of your life

Just open up your eyes as I lay you down tonight
Safe on the other side, no more tears to cry

For the first time you can open your eyes
And see the world without your sorrow
Where no one knows the pain you left behind
And all the peace you could never find
Is waiting there to hold and keep you
Welcome to the first day of your life

Just open up your eyes

Breathe you in - Thousand Foot Krutch

Taking hold, breaking in
The pressures on, need to circulate
Mesmerized and taken in
Moving slow, so it resonates

It's time to rest, not to sleep away
My thoughts alone, try to complicate
I'll do my best, to seek you out
And be myself, and not impersonate

I tried so hard to not walk away
And when things don't go my way
I'll still carry on and on just the same

I've always been strong
But can't make this happen
Cause I need to breathe
I want to breathe you in
The fear of becoming
So tired of running
Cause I need to breathe
I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe you in

I'm going in, so cover me
Your compass will, help me turn the page
The laughing stock, I'll never be
Because I won't let them take me

I tried so hard to not walk away
And when things don't go my way
I'll still carry on and on just the same

I've always been strong
But can't make this happen
Cause I need to breathe
I want to breathe you in
The fear of becoming
I'm so tired of running
Cause I need to breathe

Took awhile to see all the love that's around me
Through the highs and lows, there's a truth that I know
And it's you

I've always been strong
But can't make this happen
Cause I need to breathe
I want to breathe you in
The fear of becoming
So tired of running
Cause I need to breathe
I want to breathe you in

I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe you in
I want to, I want to
I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe you in
I want to breathe
I want to, I want to
Want to breathe you in

I don't believe you when you say don't come around here no more

Looking through my photographs I suddenly stumbled upon some I didn’t even know I had. Photographs of him, which makes me feel warm inside to know I have lasting memories to look back on.

There is this one photograph in particular. Where the sky is the background and he is staring up at it. I look at it and am instantly brought back to that day. To every day when I got to see his face, hear his laughter and be amazed by his skills. His beautiful self shines brightly in that one photograph. I try not to think about him too much. And that’s okay, now I know that I have something to remember him with. Because after all, I’ve realized that I don’t want to forget about him.

It’s fine that I won’t ever see him again. I have the memories I have. All which are good ones, I got through that year, and I wouldn’t want to have anything else. Like this is perfect.


Mood: Exhausted
Music: Under the ground - The Working Title

The young and the hopeless - Good Charlotte

Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me
I don't know they somehow saved me
And I know I'm making something out of this life they called nothing
I take what I want, take what I need
They say it's wrong, but it's right for me
I won't look down, won't say I'm sorry
I know that only God can judge me

And if I make it through today, will tomorrow be the sam?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall
Should I get up and carry on, or will it all just be the same?

Cause I'm young and I'm hopeless
I'm lost and I know this
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say
I'm troublesome, I've fallen
I'm angry at my father
It's me against this world and I don't care, I don't care

And no one in this industry
Understand the life I lead
When I sing about my past
It's not a gimmick, not an act
These critics and these trust fund kids
Try to tell me what punk is
But when I see them on the streets, they got nothing to say

And if I make it through today, will tomorrow be the same?
Am I just running in place?
And if I stumble and I fall
Should I get up and carry on, or will it all just be the same?

Cause I'm young and I'm hopeless
I'm lost and I know this
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say
I'm troublesome, I've fallen
I'm angry at my father
It's me against this world and I don't care

I don't care, I don't care, now, I don't care

I'm young and I'm hopeless
I'm lost and I know this
I'm going nowhere fast, that's what they say
That I'm troublesome, I've fallen
I'm angry at my father
It's me against this world and I don't care
I don't care, I don't care, I don't care
I don't care

The anthem - Good Charlotte

It's a new day, but it all feels old
It's a good life, that's what I'm told
But everything, it all just feels the same

At my high school, it felt more to me
Like a jail cell, a penitentiary
My time spent there, it only made me see

That I don't ever wanna be like you
I don't wanna do the things you do
I'm never gonna hear the words you say
and I don't ever wanna, I don't ever wanna be

You, don't wanna be just like you
Oh, what I'm saying is this is the anthem, throw all your hands up
You, don't wanna be you

"Go to college, a university, get a real job"
That's what they said to me
But I could never live the way they want
I'm gonna get by, and just do my time, out of step while, they all get in line
I'm just a minor threat so pay no mind

Do you really wanna be like them?
Do you really wanna be another trend?
Do you wanna be part of that crowd?
Cause I don't ever wanna, I don't ever wanna be

You, don't wanna be just like you
Oh, what I'm sayin' is this is the anthem throw all your hands up
You, don't wanna be you

Shake it once, that's fine
Shake it twice, that's okay
Shake it three times, you're playing with yourself, again

You, don't wanna be just like you
What I'm saying is this is the anthem throw all your hands up
You all got to feel me, sing if you're with me
You, don't wanna be just like you
This is the anthem throw all your hands up
You all got to feel me, sing if you're with me

Another loser anthem
Another loser anthem
Another loser anthem
Another loser anthem

Going through changes - Eminem

I’m going through changes
I’m going through changes

Lately I really feel like I’m rollin’ for delf like Philly
Feel like I’m losin’ control of myself
I sincerely apologize if all that I sound like is I’m complainin’
But life keeps on complicatin’
And I’m debatin’ on leavin’ this world this evenin’
Even my girls can see I’m grievin’
I try and hide it but I can’t
Why do I act like I’m all high and mighty
When inside I’m dyin’
I am finally realizin’ I need help
Can’t do it myself, too weak
Two weeks I’ve been havin’ ups and downs
Goin’ through peaks and valleys
Dilly dallyin’ round with the idea of endin’ this shit right here
I’m hatin’ my reflection
I walk around the house tryin’ to fight mirrors
I can’t stand what I look like, yeah
I look fat, but what do I care?
I give a fuck
Only thing I fear’s Hailie
I’m afraid if I close my eyes that I might see her, shit

I’m going through changes
I’m going through changes

I lock myself in the bedroom, bathroom
Nappin’ at noon, yeah, dad’s in a bad mood, he’s always snappin’ at you
“Marshall, what happened that you
Can’t stop with these pills
And you fallin’ off with your skills
And your own fans are laughin’ at you?”
It become a problem you’re too pussy to tackle
Get up, be a man, stand
A real man would have had this shit handled
Know you just had your heart ripped out and crushed
They say Proof just flipped out
Homie just whipped out and bust
Nah, it ain’t like Doody to do that
He wouldn’t fuckin’ shoot at nobody, he’d fight first
But dwellin’ on it only makes the night worse
Now I’m poppin’ Vic’s, Perc’s and Methadone pills
“Yeah, Em, tight verse
You killed it”
Fuckin’ drug dealers hang around me like yes men
And they gon’ do whatever I says when I says it
It’s in their best interest to protect their investment
And I just lost my fuckin’ best friend
So fuck it I guess then

I’m going through changes
I’m going through changes
Don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes

My friends can’t understand this new me
That’s understandable
Man, but think how bananas you’d be
You’d be an animal too
If you were trapped in this fame and caged in it like a zoo
And everybody’s lookin’ at you
What you want me to do?
I’m starting to live like a recluse
And the truth is fame’s startin’ to give me an excuse
To be at a all time low
I sit alone in my home theater
Watchin’ the same damn DVD of the first tour, the last tour
He was still alive
And it hurts so I fast forward
Sleepin’ pills will make me feel alright
And if I’m still awake in the middle of the night
I’ll just take a couple more
Yeah, you’re mother fuckin’ right
I ain’t slowin’ down for no one
I am almost homeward bound
Almost in a coma, yeah
Homie, come on dole ‘em out
“Daddy don’t you die on me
Daddy better hold your ground”
Fuck, don’t I know the sound of that voice
Yeah, baby hold me down

I’m going through changes
I’m going through changes
Don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes

Wake up in the hospital
Full of tubes
But somehow I’m pulling through
Swear when I come back I’ma be bullet proof
I’ma do it just for Proof
I think I should state a few facts
Cause I may not get a chance again to say the truth
Shit, it just hit me that what if I would not have made it through?
I think about the things I would have never got to say to you
I’d never get to make it right
So here’s what I came to do
Hailie this one is for you, Whitney and Alaina too
I still love your mother, that’ll never change
Think about her every day
We just could never get it together
Hey, wish there was a better way for me to say it
But I swear on everything, I’ll do anything for her on any day
There are just too many things to explain
When it rains, guess it pours, yes it does
Wish there wasn’t any pain
But I can’t pretend there ain’t
I ain’t placin’ any blame
I ain’t poitin’ fingers, Heavens knows I’ve never been a Saint
I know that it feels like we just pissed away our history
And just today, I looked at your picture
Almost if to say “I miss you” subconsciously
Wish it didn’t end this way
But I just had to get away
Don’t know why
I don’t know what else to say
I guess I’m

I’m going through changes
I’m going through changes
Don’t know what I’m gonna do, but I just keep on going through changes

Airplanes - B.O.B. feat. Hayley Williams, Eminem

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Dreaming, of falling
Dreaming, of falling

Let’s pretend like its 98
Like I'm eating lunch off of Styrofoam trays
Trying to be the next rapper coming out the A
Hoping for a record deal to ignore my pain
Now, let’s pretend like I'm on the stage
And when my beat drops everybody goes insane, okay
And everybody know my name
And everywhere I go people wanna hear me sing
Oh yeah, and I just dropped my new album
On the first week I did five-hundred thousand
Gold in the spring, and diamond in the fall
And then a world tour just to top it all off
And let’s pretend like they called me the greatest
Selling out arenas with big ass stages
And everybody loved me, and no one ever hated
Let’s try to use imagination

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Okay, let’s pretend like this never happened
Like I never had dreams of being a rapper
Like I didn't write raps up in all of my classes
Like I never used to run away into the blackness
Now, let’s pretend like it was all good
Like I didn't live staring in a notebook
Like I did the things that I probably knew I should
But I ain’t have neighbor’s that’s why they call it hood
Now let’s pretend like I ain’t got a name
Before they ever call me B.O.B. a.k.a. Bobby ray
I'm talking back before the mix-tapes
Before the videos and the deals and the fame
Before the ever once compared me to Andre
Before I ever got on MySpace
Before they ever noticed my face
So let’s just pretend and make wishes out of airplanes

Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

And it seems like yesterday, it was just a dream
But those days are gone, and just memories
And it seems like yesterday, it was just a dream
But those days are gone

Alright, let’s pretend Marshall Mathers never picked up a pen
Let’s pretend things would have been no different
Pretend he procrastinated, had no motivation
Pretend he just made excuses that were so paper-thin
They could blow away with the wind
“Marshall you're never gonna make it
Makes no sense to play the game, there ain't no way that you'll win”
Pretend he just stayed outside all day and played with his friends
Pretend he even had a friend to say was his friend
And it wasn't time to move and schools were changing again
He wasn't socially awkward and just strange as a kid
He had a father and his mother wasn't crazy as shit
And he never dreamed he could rip stadiums and just lazy as shit
Fuck a talent show in a gymnasium bitch
You won't amount to shit, quit daydreaming kid
You need to get your cranium checked
You thinking like an alien, it just ain't realistic
Now pretend they ain't just make him angry with this shit
And there was no one he could even aim when he's pissed it
And his alarm went off to wake him off
But he didn't make it to the rap Olympics
Slept through his plane and he missed it
He's gon' have a hard time explaining to Hailie and Laney these food stamps and this WIC shit
Cause he never risked shit
He hopes and he wished it
But it didn't fall in his lap so he ain't even here
He pretends that

Airplanes in the night sky like shooting stars
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now
Can we pretend that airplanes in the night sky are like shooting stars?
I could really use a wish right now, wish right now, wish right now

Do you have the fears of a child or an adult?

You Have the Fears of a Child

At your core, you are still very young and
vulnerable.
You still haven't found your place in the world,
and you're wondering how you will fit in.

You tend to have highly emotional fears. You
worry that your whole world will fall apart.
Your life is fairly unstable right now. Your fears
feel very vivid and very real.

Sat on the floor in a grey, grey room

Instead of sitting on the couch or lie in my bed. I find myself more and more often, somewhere down on the floor. Inside I feel like hiding away. Like I don't have to be myself, be anyone, down on the floor. Instead of looking down, I can look up and see the world around me. I don't have to be anyone...


Mood: Dirty
Music: Thank you - Nell

Her absence seems absurd

So... Funny how putting a smile on your face and making up lies to avoid or to talk around what really is the problem, is easier. Much simpler for us than to just say what is wrong. When in the long run, all that is a futile effort to hide what one day will stand under the sun with us. Hiding, keeping everything inside of you, only wears you down worse than confronting someone ever will.


Mood: Exhausted
Music: Yami ni furu kiseki (classical white ver.) - D'espairsRay

The drugs don't work - The Verve

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm coming down
And I hope you're thinking of me
As you lay down on your side

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

But I know I'm on a losing streak
As I passed down by your street
And if you wanna show, then just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Cause baby, if Heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

All this talk of getting old
It's getting me down my love
Like a cat in a bag, waiting to drown
This time I'm coming down

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Cause baby, if heaven calls, I'm coming too
Just like you said, you leave my life, I'm better off dead

But if you wanna show, just let me know
And I'll sing in your ear again

Now the drugs don't work
They just make you worse
But I know I'll see your face again

Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again
Yeah, I know I'll see your face again 

I'm never going down, I'm never coming down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more
I'm never coming down, I'm never going down
No more, no more, no more, no more, no more

Sky is painted white again

I give up on this.
Nothing is being done.
I'll just quit now and go home.
Still don't want to though.


Mood: Hungry
Music: Heel over head - Puddle of Mudd

「大じょうぶ」 いいえ。

Woooo. I'm at school right now. Dunno what I'm doing here. Haven't been here in a week or something more. We don't have many lectures, you see.

My goal is to do my Phonetics homework. Which I totally have no clue about whatsoever. I should have done it by Friday. Now it's Tuesday. I'm pretty much fucking screwed. There is my Academic Writing paper that is due.... Sunday? I think. Blah. Not looking forward to checking out what that paper is all about. Yeah, I didn't even start on it yet.... What an awful student I am (sighs). Where is the motivation I had this summer? Better yet, the motivation I once had to study? If so happens that I get through this year, I'm pleased with that.

The only thing I do know about teaching, is how not to be. I've had my share of bad teachers (laughs).


Mood: Hungry
Music: サクラメイロ - Fatima

Party - Tatsumi Kaiya

We live our lives as if every day is a Saturday night.

Not Friday.
Not Sunday.
Saturday.

As if we had all the time in the world.
But we do worry a bit about the future.

Two people are better than one.
The more the merrier.

Time to start the party.

Saying sorry won't do a damn thing

There are times when I'm in one room. Through the walls I can hear someone talking in the next room, or a room close by. Having fun with it, I try to hear who is talking. Y'know, people have different voices and can be told apart just from hearing them, right. So I'll listen carefully and try to find out for myself who it is. Most of the time, I make up my mind quickly about who it is. But later when I walk out, that person is not there, and was not there earlier.

While listening to music, I suddenly think that my phone is ringing, or I'm getting a message. But I'm not. Sometimes I'm just sitting quietly somewhere and I hear my phone ringing, but it isn't. 

On a daily basis do I talk to myself. I will make weird noises. Tell myself what I'm going to do next. What will I eat for breakfast. Where do I need to go, what do I need to do. I often say things like this out loud to myself. Even if I'm troubled by something, someone, I will reason loudly with myself and have debates. I talk to myself everyday.

Inside of my head are many voices that tell me this and that. It's called having a conscience, it's being normal.

I feel sad, lonely, lost, unhappy each and every day. 
I'll wake up hating myself and the world and whatever is in it.

Sometimes my eyes don't see the things that are right in front of me. Other times they even see things that aren't even there, or might not exist.

I am fucked up on so many levels it can't even be explained. I'm a bit OCD sometimes too, with so many things. My attention span is shit. I rarely listen to what people say. It does not however mean I'm autistic, have ADHD/ADD, and it certainly does not make me crazy.

If you keep thinking that you are insane or crazy. If you want to be that, then you'll surely become that too. But if are able to look past that and labelling yourself into something that you are not. Then you too will realize that you are just as fucking normal as everyone else is. I know you're not crazy, we all know you aren't, it's just your shit-faced mother who needs you to be crazy so that she won't have to fucking face up to the fact that she fucking ruined you, broke you and destroyed you. You're not crazy, you just had a fucked up childhood. We all do, but yours was worse. However as bad as it was, you're not crazy because of it. You're just broken and damaged and needs help. This insanity your mother wants to label you with is something that would have run in the family, and it doesn't. So you are not fucking crazy. You just need help.

Plus, had those "symptoms" meant you are insane and out of your mind, then I would be so too. And I think the whole world would be so too.


Mood: Annoyed
Music: Sometimes "sorry" is the wrong thing to say - Ryan Calhoun

あきれるくらい 僕らは願おう

あきれるくらい 僕らは願おう (Akireru kurai bokura wa negaou)

Vocals: 錦戸亮 (Nishikido Ryo)
Piano: 国分 太ー (Kokubun Taichi)


Being afraid of trusting others
Lying for the sake of others

It may look like everyone's face is different
But they are each forms of their emotions

It isn't something that's very convenient
It doesn't sparkle like a diamond either
But it is a light that will always shine in the room deep inside our hearts

It's not all that useful either and at times it creates scars
But I'm sure we'll be able to forgive each other

We wish till we almost get sick of it, the world will become one
We'll get through the nights that have no light
Before those countless tears soak tomorrow
We'll gently hold hands

We wish till we almost get sick of it, the world will become one
We'll get through the nights that have no light
Before those countless tears soak tomorrow
Gently take your hand

A shining future, an oath in our hearts, the world will become one
We'll take along our endless dreams
Until the day when those countless tears change into smiles
We will always be holding hands

Trying not to forget

Should I try to sleep tonight? I don't feel like I'd be able to fall asleep anyways. I'm a mess insides (laughs). I feel so incredibly troubled. I didn't hand in my phonetics paper. I'm getting my hair cut tomorrow morning. I need to ask mom about something, and I'm dragging out the time as always because I hate asking others for anything. Depending and getting help, doesn't work for me.

I really hate tomorrow's. 
And I'm no good with mornings....


Mood: Uncomfortable
Music: Who we are - Lifehouse

「夢は見るだけのものじゃない」

Sorezore no Sora それぞれの空

That is the title I gave this blog. Which is Japanese and mean "Each sky". To me this means that we all have our own sky. Our own life, world, our own way and path to follow. And the sky is different for all of us. It holds different meanings, views, opinions.

So even if you disagree. If you don't like it. This is my sky and I have my own world. You don't have to like it.

"Because frankly my dear, I don't care."


Mood: Tired
Music: Tidløs - Postgirobygget

Sometimes, all I need is the air that I breathe

When was the last time you heard a song that made you think:
"This is why I love music!"

I can't even remember when the last time I thought that. When as song played itself into my mind, heart and spirit. I just can't. Everyday I listen to music. And I try to find new bands/artists/groups or just songs. And I do think that it's good. Wonderful and brilliant.

But that amazing feeling you get the first time you listen to a fucking great song, where is it?

Seems like once something starts to hurt, everything starts to hurt. If you lose one thing, suddenly everything is gone. If you fall apart, everyone, everything, around you start falling apart too. Where does it all disappear to?


Mood: Tired
Music: Back in style - Superfamily

Every step that I take is another mistake

Most of us don't think about wanting to live forever. Most people does not even think about how their life one day will simply stop. Just living every day like they want to, without thinking too much about how pointless everything we do really is.

One day it's all over. Whether you believe in Heaven and Hell. Reincarnation and a second life. Or if you don't believe in anything. There is nothing in this life you can take above the ground when you die. You can't take anything into your next life. And if there's nothing once you're six feet under, well then nothing mattered.

So what we do. What we gain. Material or emotionally. Nothing matters. What you do is pointless, isn't it? There's nothing you do here, that will matter when it comes down to it.

I don't know why I'm living. My life is nothing. I have no one. My parents have each other. Sister have her boyfriend (and I'm sure they'll marry in a few years or so).  Brother has his friends, sister and our parents. My few friends have their family, friends and dogs. If I was no longer around, it would not matter to any of them. Maybe they'd feel weird or uncomfortable about it at first. But they all have someone else in their life, so they would easily get over it. If I died, my life is nothing no, so there's nothing that would really change, right? I'm not important, so it doesn't matter if I die.

Why am I still living? Why am I still here? Why can't I pick myself up and become someone? Why can't I just matter? Why can't I just die....

I'm not lonely. Not really. But it hurts. So much, so much, so... I don't want to die, but I'm not living at the moment.

I want to have my own dog. My own apartment. Somewhere far away from this town. I want to matter. Just that. I want to have a future of some kind. I don't want to cry anymore.


But for now. I'll keep smiling and I'll just be the empty shell everyone see me as. No one has to know.


Mood: Tired
Music: Keep it together - Guster

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I'm empty. Just plain and simply, empty.

I have my life. I have school and I have work. But there's just nothing. I try to do my homework, but it won't come to me. Really I am trying. I read the letters, but no words register. I try to figure out what is it they want from me. But I just can't understand it. I have nothing inside of me to make this possible.

I'm just empty.


Mood: Uncomfortable
Music: Waterfall - Alice Nine