Save you - Matthew Perryman Jones

I wanna rock ‘n’ roll
I wanna give my soul
I'm wanting to believe
I'm not too old
Don't wanna make it up
Don't wanna let you down
I want to fly away
But I'm stuck on the ground

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Watched it all go by
Was it really true?
Is that what it was?
Was that really you?

I'm looking back again
Tracing back the threads
You said I was a mess
Or was it just in my head?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Something's gotta break
You gotta swing the bat
Too many years of dying
Why is that?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Wouldn’t that save you?
Wouldn’t that save you?
Wouldn’t that save you?

Wouldn’t that save you?
Save you
Wouldn’t that save you?

Home for Christmas - Maria Mena

Careful what you say
This time of year
Tends to weaken me
And have a little decency
And let me cry in peace
But there's a place where I
Erase the challenges I've been through
Where I know every corner
Every street name
All by heart

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I'll pack my bags and leave
Before the sun rises tomorrow
Cause we act more like strangers for each day
That I am here
But I have people close to me
Who never will desert me
Who remind me frequently
What I was like as a child

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I don't know what my future holds
Or who I'll choose to love me
But I can tell you where I'm from
And who loved me to life

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

From where you are - Lifehouse

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
I’m standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Rabbit heart (Raise it up) - Florence And The Machine

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take?
Raise it up

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough?
Raise it up, raise it up
It's not enough, raise it up, raise it up

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around, but I can't find you, raise it up
If only I could see your face, raise it up
Instead of rushing towards the skyline, raise it up
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift

I told her not to fuss and relax

Tomorrow mother has an appointment with a doctor at the hospital in another town. About a 2 hour drive I suppose. She has a lump in her thigh which they'll do an ultrasound of and most likely operate. Unless there's complications of course. Hoping there won't be any.

Father is going with her, and I'm debating on whether or not to go too. It's not something serious or anything. So that is not the reason. But I'm bored, don't have anything to do, and I love road trips. There will also be some time to kill while mother is at the hospital so.

I almost broke down and told my parents about the time I drove to that town by myself without anyone knowing this summer/autumn (laughs). I was able to keep it in my mouth though. So they don't know, like no one else does either. I have no plans either on letting anyone in on this secret either, ever. Either way, should I stay or should I go? Can't decide. I'll just see tomorrow. They're starting quite early so. 06:45 I think. The appointment is early, but it's also good because driving through those mountain passages can be risky. Our weather has been quite unstable and bad. And they are quick to close the mountain passages if they don't think it's safe anymore. Hopefully the weather won't get that bad tomorrow. Neither in the morning or the afternoon. Would really like for mother to get to the hospital. And afterwards I'd really like to go home (laughs). That is, if I go.

I'll sleep on it I guess.


Mood: Tired
Music: Loser - Beck

Those who caved in - Maria Mena

I wouldn’t let them hurt you
I wouldn’t let them scream
You’d listen to my stories
And got back to your dreams

Stayed down on first floor
Layed low with me
I saw your pieces so magically

And how is everything in the real world?
Is anybody left there sane?
Think it’s time for you to join the minority again

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
And painful is the ways of those who caved in and you’re too great

I understood you, I got your ways
You cried your heart out
And I held your face

And how is everything in the real world?
Is anybody left there sane?
Think it’s time for you to join the minority again

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
And painful is the ways of those who caved in and you’re too great

Sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
You’re too great

And tell me if you’re ever feeling down
I’ll open up and turn this world around
You’re no one if you’re just another one of them

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
You´re too great

Sorry
Sorry
You’re too great

Sorry
Sorry
You’re too great

All the things you said to me won't even matter

Some days feel like they will never end. Maybe because I spend so much time being lost. Not knowing what to do. What comes next. What will the future be... I'm a turmoil that doesn't stop. A storm that hit no walls. A wind that doesn't calm. A cloudy sky that know of no sun. A year of winter that have no spring, no summer, no warmth. No end, no answers.

At one point in my life I was very particular about everything. But once my dream of becoming an architect shattered, some piece of me must have been broken too, something important must have disappeared. After that I've had no interest, no motivation to find something new, to hold on to something and not let go. The me now will let go straight away if something start to slip away. I just have nothing I want to hold on to.

There are so many things I've wanted to become. I wanted to have a fun and exciting life. But now I've just... I want to live simple. I want a normal job with a bit of flexibility. I just want to live in a city I feel comfortable in. Have a dog. I just want a life, a future, something that is mine.


Mood: Weird
Music: Lost cause - Beck

Does he know the way of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?

Another day, another chance, another time to fall down.
おはよう。 Good morning.
I have a paper to write for my Culture Studies class. I have some books I should read. I have another paper I should already hand in for my Didactics class. I'm so late, so fucked, and without motivation at all.

But you see. I don't find any motivation inside of me for the simple reason that, everything I want to do is impossible for me to do anyways. So no wonder why I've stopped trying, ねえ. That's just how it's become. I want to be an air traffic controller, but I already don't have good enough grades all though my English and Norwegian is perfect and I'm not sick, my health is just fine. I want to become a vet technician, but my grades again are tying me down behind because they only take in 30 students every year and more than 1000 applies. All whom should have much better grades than me. So I don't stand a chance there either.

I decides to become a teacher, but again my grades. I need to re-take a math exam and get 3-4 on it or else I won't be accepted to the teacher-course at our college. Even if I want to be a teacher in English, Norwegian, and possibly subjects like 'Social Studies', 'Religion, rhilosophies of life and ethics'. But I still need math if I'm gonna take the teacher-course. I can other than that just take the ped. and subjects, but I don't feel like doing all that shit so...

Ahhh. So fucking, fucking, fucking complicated.

じゃまた。

Mood: Annoyed
Music: Headfirst slide into Coopestown on a bad bet - Fall Out Boy

Take it and take it and take it, until you take us all

Countdown until I'll get to watch Harry Potter 7 part 1 in the cinema *3*


Mood: Excited
Music: Rainbows - Alice Nine

Chemical courage - Jack Savoretti

Tonight has been long, I've smoked every breath
Trying to feel so alive, tempting death
I've smiled at the angels, but I fear where they live
I've taken too much, but nothing to give

My chemical courage, has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer a friend

Well, tonight has gone wrong, cause I said what I said
I've been left all alone, to lie in my bed
Thinking, I'm just a fake, that nothing is real
If I'm asking to be saved I must learn how to kneel

Now my chemical courage has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer my friend
Playing tricks on my eyes, shining light on my tears
I pray for a new day to hide all my fears

I can't find my way, back to where I felt safe
Now my chemical courage has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer my friend
Playing tricks on my eyes, shining light on my tears

I pray for a new day to hide all my fears
To hide all my fears
To hide all my fears

I hate everyone - Get Set Go

Some stupid chick in the checkout line
Was paying for beers with nickels and dimes
And some old man who clipped coupons
Had argued whenever they wouldn't take one
All I wanted to buy was some cigarettes
But I couldn't take it anymore so I left

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

Some fucking asshole just cut me off
And gave me the finger when I fucking honked
Then he proceeded to put on the brakes
He slammed on the brakes, but I made a mistake
When I climbed out of my van he was waiting
But he was six three and two hundred pounds of Satan

I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone
I hate everyone

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

I bet you think I'm kidding
But I promise you its true
I hate most everybody
But most of all I hate
Oh, I hate you

All the people on the street, I hate you all
And the people that I meet, I hate you all
And the people that I know, I hate you all
And the people that I don't, I hate you all
And the people in the east, I hate you all
And the people I hate least, I hate you all
And the people in the west, I hate you all
And the people I like best, I hate you all
Oh, I hate you all

What does your least favorite school subject say about you?

Disliking Math Says You Are Expressive

You are an expressive, passionate, and
spontaneous person.
For you, math is way too cold a subject. You
dislike how black and white it is.

While some people have extreme passion for math,
that would take far more work than you're willing
to put in.
What you're into changes like the wind, and you
could never be forced to choose one thing. You
have to be free to follow what you love.

Poetry is man's rebellion against being what he is

A poet is an unhappy being whose heart is torn by secret sufferings, but whose lips are so
strangely formed that when the sighs and the cries escape them, they sound like beautiful
music... and then people crowd about the poet and say to him: "Sing for us soon again;"
that is as much as to say, "May new sufferings torment your soul."

-Soren Kierkegaard

SLIGHT SMILE

Smiling and feeling that it is tough not to have a place where I belong 
What should I do if I get tired of myself living with a smile?
Like the people rotten and lying around, am I going to rot?
I don’t know I surely can’t help
I wonder where does it come from, the idea writing and performing by oneself
To tell the truth, it is miserable, huh?
Won’t go away Won’t fade away I can’t help smiling
after one minute, the face turns blue and the heart beating so hard, the word death is in my mind
shouting 1000 times, it’s already a ten seconds left until after one minute
In that way, I keep on betrayed every day and smiling foolishly
Foolishly
I am a "DARUMA" doll with an air hole in my breast
It is matter of sex and death but after they get bored with me it’s a show tent
Spat on and got tired of looking, there will be no body peek-a-boo

I can’t smile

When I'm alone - Lissie

I turned my back, you were gone in a flash like you always do
You always go off somewhere else
And when the phone rang and I thought it was you
And I sprung like a kid who just got out of school
But it’s almost, always never you, never you
I scream like a child, my insides when, woah

And when I'm alone with you
You make me feel and you make me feel
When I'm alone with you
You are the one and you are the one

And when I reach out and I only got air
And it killed me to think that you never did care
And it's hopeless, you always run off somewhere else
And I throw in a tantrum
Why are you such a battle?

And when I'm alone with you
You make me feel and you make me feel
When I'm alone with you
You are the one and you are the one

And when I'm alone with you
You make me feel and you make me feel
When I'm alone with you
You are the one and you are the one

Remind me of home when you're around me
The next time you leave don't go without me
No, don't go, no, yeah

Cause you make me feel
You make me feel, that you are the one, you are the one
And when I'm alone with you
You make me feel and you make me feel
Yeah, when I'm alone with you
You are the one and you are the one

And when I'm alone with you
You make me feel and you make me feel

Not the drinking - Lauren Pritchard

How can I feel like this?
Thought if I stayed out late and partied hard
Maybe I wouldn't notice
The last time I saw a road was weeks ago

It's not the drinking, it's not the drugs
It's not the money, cause there's enough
It's not the phone you never answer
Its just the love that you don't feel anymore

"Why can't you keep a man?"
I can hear mother saying like she does
She should just understand
Not everything in this world is good for us

It's not the drinking, it's not the drugs
It's not the money, cause there's enough
It's not the phone you never answer
Its just the love that you don't feel anymore
Do you feel anymore?

Don't you run away when I'm talking to you
I need a little more
Been around the world, but you don't know do you?
I need a little more
Never had a chance to make it good, oh but I, I

It's gonna be easy now
Not that you made my bed for me to lie in
This ship is going down
And all I can do is stand and fear the water

It's not the drinking, it's not the drugs
It's not the money, cause there's enough
It's not the phone you never answer
Its just the love that you don't feel anymore

It's not the drinking, it's not the drugs
It's not the money, cause there's enough
It's not the phone you never answer
Its just the love that you don't feel anymore
Do you feel anymore?

Told you and the Devil to both just leave me alone

Forget sadness, happiness, love, depressions, stupidity, craziness and so on. Those emotions, feelings, moments are just a small fraction of what this world is.

I've come to realize that the world is only filled up with anger. So much we're bursting at the seams. Everyone I know, seen, are always angry about something, someone. For the most of the time, we're all angry about something.


Mood: Stressed
Music: (*Fin) - Anberlin

Fake plastic trees - Radiohead

Her green plastic watering can
For her fake Chinese rubber plant
In the fake plastic earth
That she bought from a rubber man
In a town full of rubber plans
To get rid of itself

It wears her out, it wears her out
It wears her out, it wears her out

She lives with a broken man
A cracked polystyrene man
Who just crumbles and burns
He used to do surgery
For girls in the eighties
But gravity always wins

It wears him out, it wears him out
It wears him out, it wears him out

She looks like the real thing
She tastes like the real thing
My fake plastic love
But I can't help the feeling
I could blow through the ceiling
If I just turn and run

It wears me out, it wears me out
It wears me out, it wears me out

If I could be who you wanted
If I could be who you wanted all the time

All the time
All the time

Someone else - The Rasmus

She drinks the blood of the dinosaurs
To get her powers back
To make her boyfriend understand
That things are not what they used to be
She doesn't have a plan
To make her boyfriend understand

Through the gates of insanity, on the edge of humanity
She's gonna make her dreams come true
Through the gates of insanity, on the edge of humanity
She's gonna make her dreams come true

That she belongs to someone else
That she belongs to someone else

To somebody else
To someone else
To somebody else

She's found something to die for
Something to fight for
Someone to show her the way
She's found someone to cry for
Someone to lie for
Heart full of blood of the dinosaurs

And now she belongs to someone else
And now she belongs to someone else

To somebody else
To someone else
To somebody else
To someone else
To somebody else
To somebody else
To somebody else

Keep your heart broken - The Rasmus

Enfolding your love in my heart
By the dawn I'll be gone
The road keeps us apart
For some time I'll be gone

You promised to swallow your tears when I leave you
You promised to follow the leads I will give you
You said you would crawl in the dark from the laughter
You said you would long after me ever after

My love will grow black if your heart gets stolen
Just promise to keep your heart
One day I'll come back if the door's still open
Just promise to keep your heart broken

Days go by like the wind
And this life is too short
It makes no sense to give in
To release you from my thoughts
I promised to write you, I'll always remember
I promised to try to be back 'til December
I said I must go, I must face this disaster
I said I would come after you ever after

My love will grow black if your heart gets stolen
Just promise to keep your heart
One day I'll come back if the door's still open
Just promise to keep your heart broken

If you just promise to keep your heart
Promise to keep your heart broken
If you just promise to keep your heart
Broken, broken, broken, broken

My love will grow black if your heart gets stolen
Just promise to keep your heart
One day I'll come back if the door's still open
Just promise to keep your heart broken
Forever and after my love
Just promise to keep your heart broken

Shadow - Josh Hoge

Driving in the pouring rain
Wishing you would wash away
Thought I left you far behind
Back when we both said goodbye
You're in every face I see
Even strangers on the street
You live in this radio
There's nowhere that I can go

Try to run, I try to hide
I leave your memory behind
Like a shadow you won't leave
I take you everywhere with me
Take you everywhere with me
Take you everywhere with me

I would walk across the world
A million miles from what we were
If that would free me from your chains
Help me forget your name

Try to run, I try to hide
I leave your memory behind
Like a shadow you won't leave
I take you everywhere with me
Take you everywhere with me

I can't shake you
I can't make you go away
And I can't take this
Haunting me for one more day

Try to run, I try to hide
Leave your memory behind
Like a shadow you won't leave
I take you everywhere with me

Try to run, I try to hide
I leave your memory behind
But like a shadow you won't leave
I take you everywhere with me
Take you everywhere with me

Confused enough by life so thanks a lot

Why do we love watching people get hurt? Fall on their asses. We laugh at it, so we can't hate it. Programs like AFV showing countless of clips where people fall, get hit, hurt and so on. Or we read sites like FMyLife. A site that includes various types of incidents that makes peoples life hell.

Is it simply because it's funny? I don't think that's all there is to it. Some people seem to think that people who are depressed think they are alone about it. People who have gone through something horrible, might think they're all alone. That something like this never happened to anyone else. But I honestly don't think that we're more miserable because we might think we're alone in the shit we're in. So that would be the reason why we love seeing others pain and misery.

No. Quite frankly, I think we just need to know someone has it worse than ourselves. That maybe we have it bad, but at least someone is worse off.


Mood: Stressed
Music: Spitting games - Snow Patrol

The Lollipop Test

You Are Daring

You are obsessed with living an exciting,
unforgettable life. There's so much you want to
do.
No one can tell you what to do. You take your
own path in life, and you don't follow any rules.

You are the type of person who goes for it. Often
times, making the right decision simply means
making a decision.
Some may think you're too off the wall, but you
live a carefree life that everyone envies.

Why do we think we're in control?

I tried to do some studying. But in the end that was another try down the drain. I started playing around in photoshop instead. Like making a new header for this blog. New icons and started on a moodtheme with Xiah (JYJ, ex. DBSK). The moodtheme is for LJ though. Icons too, mostly that's where I'll use them (laughs). I really needed to get some studying done though... I'm so far behind and just failing at everything I try to do so. Can't wait for Christmas. I'm just gonna sleep and watch movies, and eat in between, lol. By the time Christmas comes knocking we're far into the dark winter time. But it's around December 20 that the sun turns and begins on the journey back here. Which means that it's just like 17-18 days until it leaves... November 20 or 21. That's what it's like living so far up north. 2 months without sun during winter and 2 months during summer where it just doesn't get dark. I like both in their own ways. I like the darkness during winter, our snow lights up the darkness anyways. And I like going out in the middle of the night during summer and be able to see everything. I like waking up not really knowing for sure whether or not it's morning or night. And now I'm rambling, and I want to say something else, but I have to go now.


Mood: Bored
Music: Thousand mile wish - Finger Eleven

Thousand mile wish - Finger Eleven

Forgive me, if now I wear the face of worry
This time alone could never cause any doubt
But I’ve been cold too long
Such a strange time to find myself coming down as the rain
With all these holes, my love
To fill up from the middle
This storm could stay all night

So can you stay until we close our eyes
Til your dreams hold mine
Just stay until we know we tried one more time

Cause laughing lovers can overcome their closest demons
And they’ll go on and they won’t let go
They saw something that they know has never come so close

Can it stay until we know ourselves?
I’m torn as I tell
You’re the story that I know and fell from
I’m so far into your story I don’t know why
We think we’re in control
When we lie between the lines

We’ll find a line to follow
It’s got to show real soon
Or we’ll never reach this high

We climb a little further
Cause there’s nothing we can’t get around together

So we stay until the ground
That we can’t come down from splits us away
Maybe stars know why we fall
I just wish they were thinking out loud
I, I could wish all night
I could wish all night
I could wish all night
I could wish all night