Save you - Matthew Perryman Jones

I wanna rock ‘n’ roll
I wanna give my soul
I'm wanting to believe
I'm not too old
Don't wanna make it up
Don't wanna let you down
I want to fly away
But I'm stuck on the ground

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Watched it all go by
Was it really true?
Is that what it was?
Was that really you?

I'm looking back again
Tracing back the threads
You said I was a mess
Or was it just in my head?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Something's gotta break
You gotta swing the bat
Too many years of dying
Why is that?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

So, help me decide
Help me to make up
Make up my mind
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?
Wouldn't that save you?

Wouldn’t that save you?
Wouldn’t that save you?
Wouldn’t that save you?

Wouldn’t that save you?
Save you
Wouldn’t that save you?

Home for Christmas - Maria Mena

Careful what you say
This time of year
Tends to weaken me
And have a little decency
And let me cry in peace
But there's a place where I
Erase the challenges I've been through
Where I know every corner
Every street name
All by heart

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I'll pack my bags and leave
Before the sun rises tomorrow
Cause we act more like strangers for each day
That I am here
But I have people close to me
Who never will desert me
Who remind me frequently
What I was like as a child

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I don't know what my future holds
Or who I'll choose to love me
But I can tell you where I'm from
And who loved me to life

And so it is a part of my
Courageous plan to leave
With a broken heart
Tucked away under my sleeve

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year
I wanna go home for Christmas
Let me go home this year

From where you are - Lifehouse

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you

So far away from where you are
I’m standing underneath the stars
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

I feel the beating of your heart
I see the shadows of your face
Just know that wherever you are
Yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

I miss the years that were erased
I miss the way the sunshine would light up your face
I miss all the little things
I never thought that they’d mean everything to me
Yeah I miss you
And I wish you were here

So far away from where you are
These miles have torn us worlds apart
And I miss you, yeah, I miss you
And I wish you were here

Rabbit heart (Raise it up) - Florence And The Machine

The looking glass, so shiny and new
How quickly the glamour fades
I start spinning, slipping out of time
Was that the wrong pill to take?
Raise it up

You made a deal, and now it seems you have to offer up
But will it ever be enough?
Raise it up, raise it up
It's not enough, raise it up, raise it up

Here I am, a rabbit hearted girl
Frozen in the headlights
It seems I've made the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

I look around, but I can't find you, raise it up
If only I could see your face, raise it up
Instead of rushing towards the skyline, raise it up
I wish that I could just be brave

I must become a lion hearted girl
Ready for a fight
Before I make the final sacrifice

We raise it up, this offering
We raise it up

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

Raise it up, raise it up
Raise it up, raise it up

And in the spring I shed my skin
And it blows away with the changing wind
The waters turn from blue to red
As towards the sky I offer it

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift, it comes with a price
Who is the lamb and who is the knife?
Midas is king and he holds me so tight
And turns me to gold in the sunlight

This is a gift

I told her not to fuss and relax

Tomorrow mother has an appointment with a doctor at the hospital in another town. About a 2 hour drive I suppose. She has a lump in her thigh which they'll do an ultrasound of and most likely operate. Unless there's complications of course. Hoping there won't be any.

Father is going with her, and I'm debating on whether or not to go too. It's not something serious or anything. So that is not the reason. But I'm bored, don't have anything to do, and I love road trips. There will also be some time to kill while mother is at the hospital so.

I almost broke down and told my parents about the time I drove to that town by myself without anyone knowing this summer/autumn (laughs). I was able to keep it in my mouth though. So they don't know, like no one else does either. I have no plans either on letting anyone in on this secret either, ever. Either way, should I stay or should I go? Can't decide. I'll just see tomorrow. They're starting quite early so. 06:45 I think. The appointment is early, but it's also good because driving through those mountain passages can be risky. Our weather has been quite unstable and bad. And they are quick to close the mountain passages if they don't think it's safe anymore. Hopefully the weather won't get that bad tomorrow. Neither in the morning or the afternoon. Would really like for mother to get to the hospital. And afterwards I'd really like to go home (laughs). That is, if I go.

I'll sleep on it I guess.


Mood: Tired
Music: Loser - Beck

Those who caved in - Maria Mena

I wouldn’t let them hurt you
I wouldn’t let them scream
You’d listen to my stories
And got back to your dreams

Stayed down on first floor
Layed low with me
I saw your pieces so magically

And how is everything in the real world?
Is anybody left there sane?
Think it’s time for you to join the minority again

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
And painful is the ways of those who caved in and you’re too great

I understood you, I got your ways
You cried your heart out
And I held your face

And how is everything in the real world?
Is anybody left there sane?
Think it’s time for you to join the minority again

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
And painful is the ways of those who caved in and you’re too great

Sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
You’re too great

And tell me if you’re ever feeling down
I’ll open up and turn this world around
You’re no one if you’re just another one of them

Cause they won’t say they’re sorry
They won’t know you’re there
They won’t sacrifice anything to have you near
They won’t realize you’re gone before it’s too late
You´re too great

Sorry
Sorry
You’re too great

Sorry
Sorry
You’re too great

All the things you said to me won't even matter

Some days feel like they will never end. Maybe because I spend so much time being lost. Not knowing what to do. What comes next. What will the future be... I'm a turmoil that doesn't stop. A storm that hit no walls. A wind that doesn't calm. A cloudy sky that know of no sun. A year of winter that have no spring, no summer, no warmth. No end, no answers.

At one point in my life I was very particular about everything. But once my dream of becoming an architect shattered, some piece of me must have been broken too, something important must have disappeared. After that I've had no interest, no motivation to find something new, to hold on to something and not let go. The me now will let go straight away if something start to slip away. I just have nothing I want to hold on to.

There are so many things I've wanted to become. I wanted to have a fun and exciting life. But now I've just... I want to live simple. I want a normal job with a bit of flexibility. I just want to live in a city I feel comfortable in. Have a dog. I just want a life, a future, something that is mine.


Mood: Weird
Music: Lost cause - Beck

Does he know the way of the crickets that would convince me to call it a night?

Another day, another chance, another time to fall down.
おはよう。 Good morning.
I have a paper to write for my Culture Studies class. I have some books I should read. I have another paper I should already hand in for my Didactics class. I'm so late, so fucked, and without motivation at all.

But you see. I don't find any motivation inside of me for the simple reason that, everything I want to do is impossible for me to do anyways. So no wonder why I've stopped trying, ねえ. That's just how it's become. I want to be an air traffic controller, but I already don't have good enough grades all though my English and Norwegian is perfect and I'm not sick, my health is just fine. I want to become a vet technician, but my grades again are tying me down behind because they only take in 30 students every year and more than 1000 applies. All whom should have much better grades than me. So I don't stand a chance there either.

I decides to become a teacher, but again my grades. I need to re-take a math exam and get 3-4 on it or else I won't be accepted to the teacher-course at our college. Even if I want to be a teacher in English, Norwegian, and possibly subjects like 'Social Studies', 'Religion, rhilosophies of life and ethics'. But I still need math if I'm gonna take the teacher-course. I can other than that just take the ped. and subjects, but I don't feel like doing all that shit so...

Ahhh. So fucking, fucking, fucking complicated.

じゃまた。

Mood: Annoyed
Music: Headfirst slide into Coopestown on a bad bet - Fall Out Boy

Take it and take it and take it, until you take us all

Countdown until I'll get to watch Harry Potter 7 part 1 in the cinema *3*


Mood: Excited
Music: Rainbows - Alice Nine

Chemical courage - Jack Savoretti

Tonight has been long, I've smoked every breath
Trying to feel so alive, tempting death
I've smiled at the angels, but I fear where they live
I've taken too much, but nothing to give

My chemical courage, has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer a friend

Well, tonight has gone wrong, cause I said what I said
I've been left all alone, to lie in my bed
Thinking, I'm just a fake, that nothing is real
If I'm asking to be saved I must learn how to kneel

Now my chemical courage has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer my friend
Playing tricks on my eyes, shining light on my tears
I pray for a new day to hide all my fears

I can't find my way, back to where I felt safe
Now my chemical courage has come to an end
The night once my lover is no longer my friend
Playing tricks on my eyes, shining light on my tears

I pray for a new day to hide all my fears
To hide all my fears
To hide all my fears