There is no reason for regret.

If I died tomorrow I wouldn't die with regrets. Sure, today I wish I had travelled more, I'm always going to long for Japan. I wish I'd read more, my book shelves are filled with unread books. I wish I'd watch more movies/series, I have long lists of titles. I wish I had succeeded at something. But if I died tomorrow I wouldn'tfeel regretful about my life. I have travelled. I've seen my own country, I've seen my neighboring countries, I've gone overseas. I've travelled by car, bus, airplane, boat, cruise ship. I've read hundreds of books, thousands of fanfics, and I've read so much relevant and random facts/trivia. I've looked through photographic books and I've taken my own photographs. I've drunk alcohol and I've gotten drunk and I've puked. I've gotten into fights because of disagreements, to stand up for myself, to stand up for someone else. I've gotten black eyes and cuts and bruises. I've played sports on a team and won a region championship. I've filmed for the local tv channel. I've been so far up in the mountains there was no phone network. I've rolled underneath a snowmobile. I've seen the sun shine at midnight. I've fished in the river. I've sat around countless bonfires and listened to tales and jokes of many kinds. I've had great friends that meant a lot to me, that I have had so much fun with. I've made friends with people of many different nationalities. I have international friends, great friends who I've shared more with than anyone else. I've kissed boys and girls. I've finished video games by myself. I've lied on a football field at midnight and stared at the sky. I've held my first nephew when he was new born and felt the world fall away. I've held them all and there's nothing like it. I've seen my sister get married. I've seen the most beautiful man on stage singing the songs that means everything to me. I watched him so intently I don't remember anything but watching him and hearing his voice. I've seen my idol up close. I've followed Harry Potter and it has changed my life. I've been to midnight premiers. I've loved and felt and been a part of something, I've seen and done and changed, I've gained and lost and removed myself from situations, I've smiled and laughed and cried and gotten angry. If I were to die tomorrow I would not regret my life because of the things I never got to do. I would never regret my life because up to that moment I've been doing the things I wanted to do at the moment, the things I could do, the things I had the capacity to do. There is no reason to regret the life you've lived so far, even if you realise that some things were mistakes. This is how your life had to be lived for you to be who you are. And there's no reason to regret the things you haven't done or would never get to do if you died, because the future is unknown and maybe you would never do those things even if you continued to live.

Let's make our escape to a place where we can wake to the sun again.

Every year the sun leaves at november 21, turns on december 21, and returns on january 21. Leaving us in darkness for two months. It happens every year. Two months of darkness. For us it is also common knowledge that we have something that can only be translated into "the winter depression". Where all this darkness makes you feel heavy and sluggish and depressed. It happens to most everyone. It is common knowledge. Yet I forget about it every year.

Sometimes it will be a month into it when I remember. Remember that these are the toughest months of the year to get through. But since I am to different degrees depressed all around the year I never think of it as much different. So a month into the darkness I'll remember. That the depression I am feeling now is worse because of these dark months. Sometimes I won't remember until its january and you can see the sun just barely above the mountains. And I'll remember that is why it has been harder these two months.

You wake up in the morning and its dark. You leave for school or work and its dark. You come home and its dark. You go to bed and its dark. It happens gradually, you've lived with it for so many years, you hardly notice its happening again. Until you stop. Look at the calendar. Think about it for a minute or two.

The sun is so important. But it's always there so you forget about that. Until you're a month in and haven't seen daylight for 30 days.

It's unlikely I'll remember next year too.

Half of something else - The Airborne Toxic Event

On the night that we met
You said that you wanted something more from me
And it was all that I could do

I remember your face, like a child
The way that you blushed
And the way that you smile

Now it’s all that I can do
And I wake up feeling new
There's so much more I never knew

So I think about the years spent alone
It’s like you’re searching for something to make you feel whole
Like you’re half of something else
Like you’re half of something else
Just a fraction of yourself

Don't take it so hard
We did what we could
There were no easy answers to be understood

But it was all that we could do
We’re the only ones who knew
Now all I think about is you

The way that you screamed
The way that you cry
The way that you wipe your eyes and fall against my side

The way that you told
Told me I was wrong
And the way that you sing
When you hear a song

And the way that you answer
When you knew I was gone
Now I know that I'm blind
And that you're all I see
And, yeah, I know it’s not clever
Just want you with me

I'm only half of something else
I'm only half of something else
I'm only half of something else

I just love you - Five For Fighting

Lonely, yeah, that's the word
I leave my heart when I leave her
The days go on forever
And the nights do too

One evening out on the road
Half a world away from home
I thought she was sleeping
When the call came through

And I said, “Darling, it's late
Is everything okay?”
And silence took over the room
'Til she said

“I, I just love you
I don't know why, I just do
When are you coming home?”
“I'm coming home soon
And I, I just love you too”

Lonely lets me be
For a while she sets me free
I close my eyes
And I dream of her

She's lost in my arms
Her head on my heart
And softly she whispers
The words

“I, I just love you
I don't know why, I just do
When are you coming home?”
“I'm coming home soon
And I, I just love you too”

I'll never stop being amazed
How my 4 year old girl
Knows exactly what to say

“I, I just love you
I don't know why, I just do
When are you coming home?”
“I'm coming home soon
Cause I just love you too”

Prodigal - OneRepublic

We say goodbye, I turn my back
Run away, run away, so predictable
Not far from here, you see me crack
Like a bone, like a bone, I'm so breakable

I'll take everything from you
But you'll take anything, won't you?

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me

I'm on the road to who knows where
Look ahead, not behind, I keep saying
There's no place to go where you're not there
On your rope I hold tight but it's freeing

I'll take everything from you
But you'll take anything, won't you?

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me

Everybody wants to be right
But only if it's not a day light
I keep trying to find my way back
My way back

Run away, run away, like a prodigal
Don't you wait for me, don't you wait for me
So ashamed, so ashamed, but I need you so
And you wait for me, and you wait for me

Run away, run away, run away
From you, from you, from you

All I want - Kodaline

All I want is nothing more
Than to hear you knocking at my door
Cause if I could see your face once more
I could die a happy man I'm sure

When you said your last goodbye
I died a little bit inside
I lay in tears in bed all night
Alone without you by my side

But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody like you

So you brought out the best of me
A part of me I've never seen
You took my soul and wiped it clean
Our love was made for movie screens

But if you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody

If you loved me
Why'd you leave me?
Take my body
Take my body
All I want is
And all I need is
To find somebody
I'll find somebody like you

One day - Kodaline

One day it's here and then it's gone
How are you still holding on?
How are you still holding on?

You've felt this way for far too long
Waiting for a change to come
You know you're not the only one

And life passes you by
Don't be wasting your time
On your own

You always try to see yourself
Through the eyes of someone else
Through the eyes of someone else

Too shy to say that you need help
You and everybody else
You and everybody else

Oh, life passes you by
Don't waste your time
On your own

Yeah, life passes you by
Don't be wasting your time
All alone

As your heart gets bigger
And you try to figure out
What's it all about

And your skin gets thicker
As you try to figure out
What's it all about

Yeah, life passes you by
Don't waste your time
On your own

One day it's here and then it's gone
How are you still holding on?
How are you still holding on?

Human - Christina Perri

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days
If that's what you want
Be your number one
I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh
I can dance and play the part
If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it
I can do it
I can do it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of worlds
If that's what you need
Be your everything

I can do it
I can do it
I'll get through it

But I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human

I'm only human
I'm only human
Just a little human

I can take so much
Until I've had enough

Cause I'm only human
And I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
And I crash and I break down
Your words in my head, knives in my heart
You build me up and then I fall apart
Cause I'm only human

Mama said - Lukas Graham

When mama said that it was okay
Mama said that it was quite alright
Our kind of people had a bed for the night
And it was ok
Mama told us we are good kids
And daddy told us never listen to the ones
Pointing nasty fingers and making fun
Cause we were good kids

Remember asking both my mom and dad
Why we never travelled to exotic lands
We only ever really visit friends
Nothing to tell when the summer ends
We never really went buying clothes
Folks were passing on this stuff plenty loads
New shoes once a year and then
Out to play ball so we could ruin them

When mama said that it was okay
Mama said that it was quite alright
Our kind of people had a bed for the night
And it was ok
Mama told us we were good kids
And daddy told us never listen to the ones
Pointing nasty fingers and making fun
Cause we were good kids

Don't get me wrong I didn't have it bad
I got enough loving from my mom and dad
But I don't think they really understood
When I said that I wanted the deal in Hollywood
I told them I'll be singing on TV
The other kids were calling me a wannabe
The older kids they started bugging me
But now they all standing right in front of me

When mama said that it was okay
Mama said that it was quite alright
Our kind of people had a bed for the night
And it was ok
Mama told us we were good kids
And daddy told us never listen to the ones
Pointing nasty fingers and making fun
Cause we were good kids

I know which place I'm from
I know my home
When I'm in doubt and struggling
That's where I go
An old friend can give advice
When new friends only know a half story
That's why I always keep them tight
And why I'm okay
I said I'm okay
You know what my mama said
You know what she told me

My mama said that it was ok
Mama said that it was quite alright
Our kind of people had a bed for the night
And it was ok
Mama told us we were good kids
And daddy told us never listen to the ones
Pointing nasty fingers and making fun
Cause we were good kids

When mama said that it was okay
When mama said that it was okay
When mama said that it was okay

Try - Colbie Caillat

Put your make-up on
Get your nails done
Curl your hair
Run the extra mile
Keep it slim so they like you
Do they like you?

Get your sexy on
Don't be shy, girl
Take it off
This is what you want
To belong
So they like you
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Get your shopping on
At the mall
Max your credit cards
You don't have to choose
Buy it all so they like you
Do they like you?

Wait a second
Why should you care
What they think of you?
When you're all alone
By yourself
Do you like you?
Do you like you?

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to bend until you break
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

You don't have to try so hard
You don't have to give it all away
You just have to get up, get up, get up, get up
You don't have to change a single thing

You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try, try, try, try
You don't have to try
You don't have to try

Take your make-up off
Let your hair down
Take a breath
Look into the mirror
At yourself
Don't you like you?
Cause I like you